Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Not Exactly the Man of my Dreams

     This has been one of the hardest and yet best years of my life.  I realized that I did not marry the "man of my dreams," but instead the man of my forever.  Second best decision that I ever made and I cannot really take credit for making it.  When I married my sweet husband I actually thought that he was going to be that "man of my dreams," that fulfilled me in every way, that knew my every need and want without me having to spell it out, and that would swim the deepest ocean just to prove his love, ha.  For heavens sake I walked down the isle to the wedding bells from the movie Cinderella, ok.  Just to show how vulnerable we are to the culture around us, not once in all of my day dreams of what my husband would be did I picture an imperfect man willing to be loved and lead by a perfect God.  A man who would show his love in the form of showing me who he really was, the beautiful and the not so beautiful.  Never did I imagine a marriage in which my happiness was not caught up in his ability to make me feel 100% loved and cherished, but instead in the blessing of allowing someone to fully know me.  To have seen me in my darkest hour on my worst days and yet to love me anyway.  The safety of knowing that God never intended for us to hide behind fig leaves, but instead he desires oneness.  "And the two shall become one flesh (Eph 5:31)," how many times have we heard this verse in a wedding and really stopped to contemplate what this means.  Honestly, and it's sad to say, I believe I am only just beginning to seek out the beauty of these words and what it means for my marriage.  To be "one" with anything means that you are "one," one, 1.  How else can you say it, if something is one then it cannot be two, or three, or four, it's ONE.  It is not Jil with a dash of Zach, or Zach with a little smidge of sweetness (Jil), NO, it is ALL of Zach and ALL of Jil, ONE.  When you try to work a marriage outside of this idea of "Oneness" it is like trying to operate a plane with just one wing or a kite without a string.  Did I just make a rhyme??  Oh my.  It goes like this, you marry your "dream guy," life is going to be perfect, until the day it isn't perfect.  You have struggles, he has struggles, life is a struggle, and before you know it you find yourself hiding behind fig leaves with fear that he or she might see who you really are and no longer view you as the man or woman of their dreams.  You believe Satan when he tells you that confession will only tear your marriage apart, you believe him when he tells you that you will be better off just to keep your brokenness to yourself.  On the surface this may seem like the answer to your sin problem, but luring beneath the deep is a deadly intimacy killer that will eventually do the very thing that you are trying to prevent.  When you keep things from your spouse a barrier of intimacy immediately comes up and will grow higher and higher the more you try to hide.  Once that wall goes up there is only one thing that will tear it down, truth.  Confession.  "whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy" Prov 28:13.  "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" 1 John 1:9.  So what does this mean for the role I must play in my marriage.  Well it means that I must be a deliverer of truth, that is willing to confess, but equally as important I must also be a receiver of truth, willing and unafraid to fully know this man I married.  Disclaimer:  Tearing down the wall can and will cause destruction often times as the pieces come falling to the ground.  One might even be tempted to resort back to the fig leaves thinking they should have never released the floods of truth.  In that moment, remember the wall, you know, the one you were hiding behind.  The one that caused you a great deal of anxiety and shame.  The one that was so high that you could not even see the other side.  Now as you look at the rubble all around you and feel the pain of hurting the one you love realize that this is the beginning of a new life.  A new life with no walls, a new life with no shame, a new life where you are exposed before the father and before your spouse in a way that is so freeing.  Sure there will be boulders to overcome and we may never clear the path completely, but now we can see the other side.  We can embark upon a journey built on truth, and to the degree in which we are open and honest with each other, allowing each other to be known, we will grow closer and closer to "becoming one."  In the words of President Reagan TEAR DOWN THAT WALL!
Love Ya,
Jil                




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