Perfectly Imperfect

5:11 PM

There ya have it, minus the tantrum
(my kids would never do that, ha!)
      Lets face it, I should have never started a "public" blog.  I am flighty, inconsistent, have terrible grammar, and sometimes offer my two cents where it does not belong.  But if I am being honest that is exactly why I started blogging in the first place.  When I first started "The-Minivan-Tales" it was my own personal attack against the social media culture of "look at our happy family."  The culture where everyone looked the part and every post or pic was attesting to that very idea.  With every scroll I would find myself feeling an overwhelming sense of dissatisfaction with life when only moments before I was content and grateful for the life God had blessed me with.  Something told me that I was not the only one who struggled with these feelings.  Can I get an AMEN?  I actually contemplated closing my Facebook account and eventually did for a short while.  I became quite cynical at the "self promoting" world that we now lived in.  However, I realized that I was not only a part of that culture, but was just as wrapped up in preserving my own identity as everyone else.  How many pics on my Facebook page show me looking a hot mess with sweatpants, crazy hair, & a child throwing a tantrum at my feet??  I will tell you, not many!  So when I started blogging it was like a secret escape from the "social" world to the world of "reality."  I made it my personal goal to write REAL.  This may sound easy for some, but vulnerability in the form of my weakness's, struggles, or failures has never quite been my strong suit.  In fact I would venture to say that this lack of internal honesty in my own life was the greatest hardship in my marriage for many years early on, but you would have never caught me admitting to that.  I actually worked really hard at not allowing myself to dig to deep into my inner soul, I just might come across something that might be less than desirable and who has time to deal with all that mess.
     So if I told you that dealing with "that mess" would bring a freedom to your life like no other, would you be interested?  That is exactly why I had to start blogging.  I had to do every thing I could to destroy the lie that Satan has planted into the hearts and minds of woman and men, boys and girls all over the world.  The lie that says that you are only as valuable as you are successful.  You are only as valuable as you are adored or admired.  You are only as valuable as you are perfectly together.  You are only as valuable as you are beautiful.  You are only as valuable as you are significant.  He has been lying to us since the very beginning of time and yet we still let him get away with it!  I spent a whole lot of years finding my value and significance in the way others viewed me.  Feeling as though as long as I appeared to have it all together then I must indeed, right?  Wrong.  All the while God is shaking His head in frustration wishing you could see yourself the way He does.  In the very beginning Satan tempts Eve by promising her that she could be like God.  If Eve would have only remembered that she was already made like God, in His very image, she would have refused the fruit no doubt.  When the creator of the cosmos breathed you into life He gave you value in that very moment.  Because you were so valuable to Him He even went so far as to plan in advance for your brokenness.  He knew I would attempt to "hide" at first glimpse of failure as did Adam and Eve all those years before us.  He knew I would attempt to prove myself worthy only to come up short time and time again.  God then sent ONE who specialized in brokenness to show me that true fulfillment does not come from mastering perfection, but actually from realizing how perfectly imperfect we are.  It gives so much more power to the gospel we confess when we truly see the vas difference between the Creator and His creation.  His  love for us could have never been based on what we could offer Him, but instead that anything good in us is because of Him.  When I came to grips with my brokenness it was the most freeing thing I have ever experienced in my life, truly.  I realized that God did not want my feeble attempt at being "good enough" that he wanted me broken and vulnerable before Him.  He wanted my scars, he wanted my failures, he wanted my jealousies, he wanted my fears, he wanted my guilt, and he wanted my shame.  When I read these verses I could literally weep out loud because our God is not a God of perfection, He IS perfection so that we therefore are made perfect only through Him and of nothing within ourselves.  He takes us right where we are and makes something completely beautiful with our brokenness if we allow him to have it.

"The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Psalms 34:18
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 147:3"
"For you do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; you are not pleased with burnt offering.  The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart O God, you will not despise."  Psalms 51: 16-17
  
     The reason this is so amazing is because I then not only feel free to be ok in my brokenness, but I also know that through my vulnerability that God is doing a work in me and sanctifying me in ways that I could never experience behind the likes of fig leaves.  It is also the reason I can write this post and be ok that the world knows I am broken.  Likewise, I can feel free to post my "good days" as well, because after all they are not mine, they are HIS. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" James 1:17.  If we truly view others in this light (and because we are broken we will not always) how can we then begrudge someones "good days" or then condemn their "brokenness,"  knowing that the kingdom of God is at work in both. 

-Jil             




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