Friday, August 10, 2012

What are the odds??

     If you have read any of my previous post on this blog you may remember various remarks made in reference to the random embarrassing events that have taken place throughout my life, thus leaving me with an ability to laugh at myself when others might be tempted to cry.  In case you were wondering, I suppose I will share a few ... anything for a laugh, right?:-)  Some of my favorites would include the dreaded walk of shame from the bathroom (located at the rear of the gym) to the front of the gym only to hear the words "Oh no she didn't" as I realized there was a T-R-A-I-L of toilet paper flowing ever so graciously behind me, thank you Cathy!  If that wasn't enough only moments later I slipped, not so graciously, wearing those silly awful jelly flip flops with the golf tee shaped heel, but "hey" they looked cute.  Not my best of days and definitely not the best of shoe trends!  A beautiful fall day in Arkansas I was walking down the sidewalk with some friends caring my infant carrier in one arm, although I can't remember which child was in tow, bee-bopping at an impressive pace only to trip on my not so mommy friendly wedges and go flying off the sidewalk infant carrier and all.  Luckily the baby carrier landed upright, my ankle however, not so!  People often say to me, "I don't know how you wear those heels" and my return comment is normally with a chuckle and in my southern way I reply "oh, girl, I could run a marathon in these" or "I was born in these things," but really it's by the skin of my teeth that I haven't ended up in the ER with a severe broken ankle.  Heels make me smile, I can't help it, I wish it weren't true.  This post has absolutely nothing to do with heels and really nothing to do with much of what I have been writing about for the last paragraph, but it does have to do with a trip to the ER and a pretty embarrassing moment, although not exactly "my" embarrassing moment.  Whats all the talk about EAR surgery.
     
     Travel back to the year 2007 and my life looked pretty much as it does today just minus 2 of my four children.  My husband and I were happily married, for the most part, and enjoying our two little bundles of joy.  That tidbit of information "happily married" plays an important part later on in this post.    We were part of an amazing church family and still are today at Whites Ferry Road Church of Christ.
Every year our church sponsors a charity golf event.  We played in groups and it was set up as a scramble.  Zach and I have never been the "golf" type, but we were and still are very much the "get together and chew the fat" type with our friends, top it off with some charity work and we're in.  And so it happened that we signed up to play with my sister-in-law, her husband, and Mrs. Paula Godwin.  The adventure began and we set off on course laughing all the way at our apparent inability to thrive at such a sport.  I had even purchased a new pair of golf shoes for the event, what in the world was I thinking!! I could have purchased another pair of heels with that money had I known that I would NEVER step foot on a golf course again.
     
     This was turning out to be a beautiful day, non stop laughter mixed with some sunshine, who could ask for more!  The laughter, however, did come to an end and that is where this story begins.  For those of you that are unfamiliar with golf there is a tee off area for men and a separate one for women a few yards ahead.  Paula and I had pulled the golf cart up to the side of the women's tee off area awaiting our turn while the last of the men, my husband, tee'd off.  Just to be clear we were sitting in the golf cart, two golf bags behind us, waaaayy off to the side of the tee zone.  My husband was setting up to tee off and Paula and I were chatting when all I can remember were two very glaring moments of that day.  The first being the loudest sound of what I believed to be a gun shot vibrate the back of my head and fling my entire body forward and the second were the words which echoed from Paula's mouth which I am positive were simply the beginning of the very first prayer sent up for me JEEAAAASUS CHRIIIIIIST!!!!!  To allow you to visualize this a little clearer you must be aware of one important factor.  If you think that I have a southern accent, well, it is nothing compared to Mrs. Paula's and here at this church golf event I am sure that every head immediately lifted up, in prayer of course, upon hearing this scream of desperation.  Before it all went black I  managed to speak the words "I'm going down" which cracks me up every time I think of myself saying that.  It's like I was the fallen soldier on the Trenton Street Golf Course.  From that point on it was shear panic... Paula was driving like a mad woman back up to the clubhouse, nearly slinging me out of the cart, Zach was hyperventilating,  Melissa and Ben were running to call 911, all of a sudden it was "Charity Event Gone Wild"  If it wasn't bad enough, to look at me you couldn't help but to think of the character "Sloth" on the Goonies I also had blood running out of my ear, which was actually from an earring that had been ripped out, but my husband was unaware of that and as he came closer he apparently slipped further into a tailspin.  
     
     My next cognitive memory was my very first ride in an ambulance where I found myself going over times tables in my head to make sure I hadn't experienced any brain damage.  What went through my mind the first moment I felt behind my ear where the trauma took place was a bit of a panic.  It was horrifying, had I known I would be doing a blog five years later I would have insisted they take a picture!  After CAT Scans and a series of questions the Dr. informed us that I was one lucky girl.  Apparently the bone behind the ear is the second hardest bone next to the forehead bone and had I been hit just slightly to the left or right it could have killed me instantly, WHAT ARE THE ODDS??
     
     After three days of severe nausea where I will never forget the sweet people that helped me with my recovery and Mrs. Paula's chicken fried steak I was able to go back to my normal life, all in tact, whatever that means.  It wasn't until two years later I began to notice that I couldn't hear out of my left ear and after purchasing two new cell phones because for some reason the volume was not working properly, huh go figure, I decided I better get it checked out.  Maybe it is just really stopped up I had hoped.  After fighting the urge for quite some time I finally made the dreaded trip to the ear doctor where I sat in a waiting room filled with people 20-40 years older than myself.  They all seemed to be giving me the "wonder what she's doing in here" look.  The doctor confirmed my fear that I had in fact experienced significant hearing loss.  Keep in mind I had yet to correlate this incident to my "golfing accident" because after all that had happened two years prior, but when he spoke the words "tramadic injury" it all came rushing back!!!  Imagine the look on my husbands face as well as the doctors when we had to explain the incident.
     
     When I was hit by the "golf ball" the stapes bone in my ear was nocked loose and over the coarse of time it dissentegrated causing my hearing loss.  At the time of my visit Fred was only 3 months old and I was told that in order to have this procedure done it was very important that I commit to not lift anything over ten pounds for ten days and, for me, that was next to impossible.  So for the next year my friends and family suffered through my hearing loss and I think I about drove them crazy with "huh" and "what did you say."  If you were standing to my left you might as well just chalk it up, I couldn't hear you.  If I really wanted a good nights sleep I would lay on my right side and you would be amazed how I slept right through the craziest things:-)  July 31st, I underwent a stapedectomy where they went in and basically put a prosthetic bone in my ear and if all goes well my hearing should be restored within the next four months.
     
     I just left the doctor for my post-op visit and other than some sinus pressure causing my eardrum to lay a little further back than he wants it looks like the surgery will be a success.  Fred broke my nose four months ago which is likely the cause for the sinus build up.  One minute your bouncing your baby boy on your lap laughing, the next your doubled over in pain after his head met your nose, it's the craziest thing!!  I meant truly, WHAT ARE THE ODD'S!! If bad things really do happen in 3's you might want to stay clear of me for a while:-)  So other than not being able to hear, taste (due to the metal that was used in the surgery) or smell (thanks to Fred) I can SEE and FEEL God's presence and your prayers throughout this entire process.
    
    Now to answer the question you have all been wondering....NO Zach did not take out a life insurance policy on me weeks before the accident, HA.  Trust me he couldn't have aimed that shot if his life depended on it:-)                      

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