Wednesday, May 30, 2012

For a Laugh and a Giggle

     Oh the joys of being a Mom!  Yes our kids are our pride and joy, flashing there little smiles around and leaving every place a little happier than it was before, but lets face it there are times when being a Mom puts you in…well…some awkward positions.  This post is for all of us Moms who have ever been peed on, pooped on, a landing pad for throw-up, embarrassed, worn down, tested and tried by our ever so precious and adoring children.  I have compiled a “Mommy Moment” list that is sure to spike a laugh or a giggle from you Mom’s out there.  Note: Now I’m not saying that every one of these events happened to me personally, but I’m not saying that they didn’t either)

“LAAWWD HAVE MERCY, GOOD GRACIOUS!!!”  I am not even joking, no this is not for effect, although pretty good timing.  Just as I finished up that last sentence with a smile I hear…drip…drip…. drip, coming from the bathroom.  What did I find??? Fred’s little chubby hand playing splash in the toilet.  The toilet was not empty my friendsL  “Mommy Moment #1 for this day, oh the joy!” (I spoke those words in an ever so angelic voice in an effort to convey my full and complete patience and control with every situation thrown at me by my oh so delectable children, HA!)

MOMMY MOMENTS
(Note: if you do not smile, laugh, or giggle at some point during this post you must crawl back in your bed, throw the covers over you, scoot your little self over to the OTHER SIDE, and attempt to get out over there.  Works every time.)


The Potty Culprit:-)
           


  THE MOM SWEAT.  If you are a mom, you might possibly be able to understand what I am talking about without even elaborating.  THE MOM SWEAT can creep upon you at any time, without a moment’s hesitation.  The on-set for this condition can be any of the following: your baby has hit a wall in Target and WILL NOT stop crying and the worst part is everyone is watching just to see how you are going to react, the words NO coming from your toddler in a public setting, the smell that continues to follow your buggy do to an “unidentifiable mass” in your sweet loves diaper, or simply you forgot to put on your deodorant and just realized it.  The “Mom Sweat” leaves you red in the face with the feeling of warmth all over your body, kinda like a Hot Flash.  Outwardly you want to scream and run for the hills, but inwardly you are going through an array of thoughts like, “I will never do this again,” “just wait till we get to the car,” “Give me a break!,” “Are you kidding me???!!!” “That’s it, we’re going home!!”  All the while with a smile on your face, well actually it’s more like “the constipated smile face, but either way a smile, I guess.


           THE PLAGUE OF THE BOWELS.  Did I just type the word bowels?  Well it seems as though there is a plague out there, involving ones bowels, particular those of the mother, that loves to strike us Mom’s at the most inopportune times and places.  I mean this has never really happened to me, but I will never forget, I mean “my friend” told me about this one time when she was at Wal-Mart.  Yeah, I’m thinking that was her first problem to start with, “Wal-Mart,” but the “bowel fairy” paid a visit and what was she to do?  What anyone would do I suppose with four kids and a buggy full of groceries, take her pregnant self to the lovely Wal-Mart bathroom with three kids in tote.  Oh and luck would have it, the handicap stall was “out of order.”  So there she was, all four in a stall, one standing, and one sitting on each leg with what was left of her lap, due to her protruding belly, all the while shouting, “please don’t touch anything, please don’t touch anything, please don’t touch anything!!!”  The MOM SWEAT had for sure kicked in by this point as well.  I, SHE, still has nightmares about this event!
brother love


THE GODDESS OF THE GROCERY LINE.  This particular “Mommy Moment” is a little different from the rest, because it is the only one in which the little sweet peas are not present.  It is that ever so rare moment when I have the opportunity to grocery shop without my kids, this would be my version of “mom’s gone wild,” woohoo!!!! It is amazing how different the grocery store looks without four children in tote.  The freedom of being able to roam each aisle, to choose your own favorite cereal, to even make a visit to the hair and beauty section, makes me smile.  Yes my make-up is from Wal-Mart, but I’m not complaining, it’s cheap and let’s face it, I’m 31, it’s all down hill from this point, right.  Now back to the grocery line.  After taking my time, checking out all the latest organic items and gimmicks I head to the CHECKOUT.  Normally this would be the point in my trip when the MOM SWEAT is looming in the air ready to take over, but not today.  Today I am the GODDESS OF THE GROCERY LINE.  Today, instead of looking for the shortest line possible and assessing every buggy that is ahead of me and in my head thinking, really, they need all of that.  I mean doesn’t the world know I am here with four kids.  Shouldn’t there be some kind of special line for Mom’s like me?  I don’t really think that, I mean, I try real hard not to have thoughts like that, but sometimes, well, the worst comes out in the grocery line.  BUT NOT TODAY, I’m THE GODDESS OF THE GROCERY LINE.  Instead, I search for the longest line, plop my organized buggy, already separated according to temperature and find a couple of my most favorite magazines and get lost in a world of “shabby cottage décor” or “latest in kitchen designs,” and then, sometimes, although I hate to admit it, flipping to the back of the Life and Style magazine to check out the "Fashion Police" pictures.  It's a habit I can't kick.  On these rare occasions you may even find me letting the Mom who is not the goddess today, trudging her children up to the checkout line, who is about to break out in the MOM SWEAT ahead of me.  THE GODDESS OF THE GROCERY LINE.

      DIAPER DILEMA.  It seams like quite a bit of content from this post revolves around bodily functions, hmmm, interesting, but there is no way I can leave this one out.  The DIAPER DILEMA.  We have all experienced a time when we have been out an about running the errands of the day when upon loading up the kids in “the minivan” we notice a smell.  This smell can permeate its surroundings faster than the speed of light and sometimes even remain long after it has been disposed of.  The parking lot and the seat of your car now becomes your changing station.  So here is the dilemma…what to do with the diaper once it has been removed from the explosion sight and wound up as tight as a tick.  There are four options to choose from. 
A.     Look for the nearest trashcan and dispose of “the bomb” like any responsible parent would do.
B.     Leave “the bomb” on the ground next to your car. YUCK!! I’ve seen it done.
C.     ACCIDENTALLY leave it on the hood of your car, so that when you drive off, so does “the bomb”
D.     GRIN AND BEAR IT, all the way home, as it continues to let off steam from the explosion.

I could answer YES to A, C (oops), and D at different times in my life. 

       CHURCH PEW EXIT.  I honestly love going to church, I love having my kids sitting with me on the pew, hearing them sing, and watching them giggle with their friends when the song leader might get a little fired up, but there are those times when the picture you might see from the pew behind me doesn’t quite look like a “Norman Rockwell” painting.  In fact there are all sorts of things you might witness if you sat on the pew behind The Dashers.  Lets see, you are bound to see a juggling act going on between Zach, Bear, Fred, and Me, it’s like the second they get in the arms of one of us, they want the other.  This cycle plays out over and over until we hear those faithful words “It is now time to dismiss the kids to Bible Hour and King’s Playground.”  Can I get an AMEN!  You might also witness arms reaching from every direction as they pass the juice and crackers.  Never do we let them have it, but still every time they attempt.  I will say that Bear has been successful a time or two.  But the worst is when it is necessary to make a CHURCH PEW EXIT.  This exit happens when all else has failed and there are no more tricks left, except the dreaded trip to the bathroom.  The “Mommy Moment” is now about to take place; actually I really would prefer to slough this one off on Daddy.  The second you stand up and make the steps toward that aisle, child in hand; it begins…”DOOON’T SPANK ME!!!! DOOOON’T SPANK ME!!!!!! DOOOON’T SPANK ME DADDY!!!! DADDY PLLLLEASE!!!  All the way down the aisle.  All eyes are on you my friends. Yep, there it comes, THE MOM SWEAT or DAD SWEAT if your lucky.    


     I feel very blessed that God considered me ok enough to be the mother to four amazing kids.  There are days, however, when I do feel like someone is playing a joke on me.  I think, does this stuff only happen to me, surely not!  I have an arsenal full of “Mommy Moments” but I wont share them all with you today.  In fact, I would love to hear some of your own “Mommy Moments” to make me feel better about myself, haha.  Enjoy a laugh with your kids today!

BLESSINGS AND LOVE TO YOU ALL!  



Some of our Memorial Day Catches
Boys beat us 15-12
We'll get em next year!!!
















6 comments:

  1. Hilarious! And truly unbelievable. I have never seen you sweat. Never seen your children misbehave. And can't imagine you ever being anything but beautifully attired and cool, calm and collected. But that wouldn't be funny. So keep the humor blog going. You very creative.

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    1. Thank you Joneal, such sweet sweet words. I don't feel deserving of them, however. Thanks again very much!:-)

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  2. Jil, I will gladly make you feel better about yourself :)!! I'm not sure if my "mommy sweat" ever stops. From the yells, "You're hurting me!" As I hold Eden's hand to Adam peeing in the middle of an isle at walmart (He was 2) and me just walking away. YES! SISTER! I'm right there with you! Thanks for being so honest. I believe that our children will be better for having worked through these crazy mom & children moments verses a "perfect" one (coarse they have not choice). Love you girl!! Karie

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    1. Karie...too funny! My best friend's son peed in the middle of the crowd by the Civic Center fountain at the ArkLaMiss fair when our kids were little! It was the funniest thing EVER! Reckon it is just a 'boy' thing!

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  3. The funniest thing about the "Mommy Sweat" is when I first read the example of "Your Friend" at Wal-Mart when the bowels hit her and she sat with 3 kids on her lap pregnant... I was thinking I can't believe Jil shared my story with the whole world. Then I realized the story wasn't about me. Hilarious. Just glad I have a friend with enough courage to admit what has probably happened to too many of us.
    Seriously, loved all the stories and your writing! Didn't know you were a talented writer too! Great blogg!
    Darcy

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